The Joker's Little Girl: Bundle Of Jokes
by LizzySkellington
Summary: This is the re-written version of "The Joker's Little Girl Part One." There were a lot of problems with it, so I fixed it. Harley is expecting and how does the Joker deal with it?
1. Late

**The Joker's Little Girl Part 1 Chapter 1**

Harley opened her eyes to find that it was pitch black in her and the Joker's bedroom. She smiled to herself as she heard his soft snoring next to her. She looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. It was 5:01 in the morning.

Suddenly, this nauseating feeling washed over her. She threw the purple comforter off her and ran to the bathroom. She flipped on the light. She emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

Lying down on the cold tile floor she began to think. 'I've been throwing up for the past two weeks. It couldn't be something I ate could it? No. I'd have a fever if it was. My ankles are killing me. And… oh god, what day is it?'

She ran into the bedroom and unplugged her charging phone. She clicked to her calendar. She was one week late.

Her heart rate sped up as she realized the possibilities that might be causing her current illness. However her heart rate really sped up when standing in her cell phone's glow, was a very angry looking Joker.

"What are you doing running around at 5 o'clock in the morning?" He shouted, raising a threatening hand.

"I got sick. And…" She was so scared she couldn't speak. Harley put a hand over her number one fear.

Something inside of the Joker stopped him. He slammed his hands on either side of Harley head. The Joker leaned so their noses were barely touching.

"I don't know what's going on and quite frankly I don't care as long as I go back to sleep, understand?" He gave her one more harsh glare then pushed off the wall.

Harley thought for a moment. "You know Puddin' I think I'm going to go to Ivy's for awhile."

The Joker was already fast asleep before she had even started talking.

As quietly as she could, she packed a light knapsack and grabbed a few hundred dollars. She wrote the Joker a note telling her where she would be and what time she would be back tonight.

She got into her red sports car and drove away from the Amusement park. She was in fact going to Poison Ivy's apartment, but first she had to make a pit stop at a 24 hour grocery store.

"Its 6 o'clock in the morning!" shouted a very pissed off Poison Ivy. She walked to her front door to see who was pounding at her door. She was surprised to see her friend and partner in crime, Harley.

"Red I'm sorry for waking you up but I have a problem," explained Harley. Harley started to sob loudly as she threw her arms around her friend's neck.

Poison Ivy half dragged Harley to the couch in the living room. "Harley what's wrong? It was that clown wasn't it?"

"Well kind of," she replied.

"I swear if he hurt you-"

"No! Just look," Harley thrust the plastic bag she was carrying into Ivy's hands. She opened the bag and pulled out three pregnancy tests. Both women were speechless. Harley from not knowing what to say and Ivy from shock.

Ivy broke the silence. "What are you going to do if it's positive?"

"I don't know," said Harley as she looked down "it depends if Mista' J wants it."

"Screw him," yelled Ivy "the question is do you want this baby?"

"Of course I do. I'm just worried that the Joker will do something bad," worried Harley.

"Then you'll keep this baby," said Ivy.

"I think I should take those tests now," said Harley.

"Are you sure because you could always take it later," said Ivy.

"I really have to go to the bathroom," said Harley. Harley took out the tests and left the boxes.

Ivy read the directions while Harley did what the directions said. Ivy had a stop watch on her phone. "What is it Harl?"

"There's a little pink plus sign," said Haley as she started to cry.

"It's going to be okay Harley" said Ivy as Harley opens the bathroom door to get the next test. They did the whole thing over again two more times. Both the test were positive.

"Harley don't cry," said Ivy as she got more tissues to help with Harleys crying.

"No it isn't going to be okay," cried Harley. "Mista J is going to do somethin' horrible."

"If he does call me and he will be fertilizer," warned Ivy.

"Okay, well I'm tired Red," said Harley as she got up and headed for the guest room.


	2. Little Nipper

**The Joker's Little Girl Part 1 Chapter 2**

Harley warily got out of her red sports car. It was five in the afternoon and the Joker was at a "meeting" with the gang leaders of Gotham.

Harley opened the door to the Fun House. She walked straight to the kitchen. She had to make a dinner good enough as if her life depended on it. And it did.

She made a juicy steak with mashed potatoes with gravy, corn and salad. Harley felt proud of herself when she was all finished.

"Honey! I'm home," Shouted the Joker as he hung up his coat.

The sound of his voice made Harley jump. She was nervous as it was. Even with the plan Ivy and she had come up with. Harley was supposed to tell the Joker about the baby at approximately 8 o'clock. At that time Poison Ivy would be waiting outside just in case anything happen.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist. Making her jump again.

He let go of her and sat down to eat. Harley picked at her salad with her fork.

After dinner Harley cleared the dishes and sat back down.

"Did you like your dinner Puddin'," asked Harley.

"I loved it Pooh," said the Joker as he lay back in his chair.

Harley looked at the clock. It was 7:50.

"So how did the meeting go?" asked Harley.

"It was great. I've got the entire mob eating out of my hands," said the Joker.

"That's great," said Harley as she looked at the clock again 7:55.

"So did you like the dinner?" Asked Harley.

"You already asked that," said the Joker as he got up and walked over to her.

"Oh," said Harley bashfully.

"Are you sure your okay," asked the Joker.

"Yeah," said Harley as she looked at the clock again. It was now 7:59.

'Well I better tell him,' thought Harley.

"Well actually puddin' I do have something to tell you," said Harley.

The Joker was sitting down at the kitchen table thinking about what Harley had just told him 'I could just throw her in the Piranha tank. Or I could just punch out the little nipper,' thought the joker.

He picked up the oversized mechanical boxing glove on the kitchen counter and walked toward Harley.

"Now puddin' we can talk about this." Harley began to back away slowly.

The Joker was seething. He finally started to speak: "How could you be so stupid? DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH A SCREAMING LITTLE BRAT!"

Harley was desperate now, "But Puddin' we can raise the child together, or I'll do it alone or…"

The Joker raised the glove and aimed at Harley's face…

Harley was begging now, "Joker I, I, I…WE LOVE YOU!"

The Joker stopped cold.

He looked at Harley with a bewildered look on his face. "That was a cheap shot Harley, even for you. BULLETT! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!" Harley jumped at the Jokers sudden change of mood.

The kitchen door flew open and the behemoth of a henchman called Bullitt lumbered into the room. "What is it Boss?"

The Joker immediately raised the mechanical glove and fired it directly into his henchman's face. Harley looked at him in shock. Joker looked over at her and said, "Whaaat? I mean I'm still pissed and I had to use it on somebody!"

The door flew open, AGAIN, the Joker whirled around and standing there was Poison Ivy carrying what looked like some goofy green gun in one hand and a…"Is that a Venus fly trap? What the hell are you gonna do with that?" asked at what was becoming an even more perplexed and bewildered Joker.

"I'm shoving this up your ass if you laid a finger on Harley!" said Ivy.

"I'm right here Red." As Harleys tiny gloved hand waved from behind Joker's head. "Everything's Okey-dokey."

"So everything is okay," asked Ivy with a suspicious look on her face.

"That's what she just said weed," said the Joker as she slowly lowered her odd looking gun.

"Well then Harley you shouldn't be on your feet. You need rest," said Ivy as she pulled Harley up to the bedroom.


	3. Kid Doctor

**The Joker's Little Girl Part 1 Chapter 3**

The Joker walked to his and Harley's bedroom. He saw Poison Ivy lightly close the door behind her.

When she turned around she gave him the death glare. "If you lay one finger on Harley I will-"

"Save it weed," said the Joker. "I won't touch her, now that she's apparently carrying my child." He rolled his eyes.

"One finger clown," threatened Ivy as she pointed her index finger in his face. "And I'm coming."

"Yeah. Now make like a house fly and buzz off," dismissed the Joker.

She glared at him one more time. Then stormed out of the Fun House, slamming the door behind her.

The Joker quietly opened the bedroom door and peered inside. It was dark but he could make out Harley's sleeping form. He closed the door and walked to his office. He started thinking. 'Harley's pregnant. Crap. So I'm going to be… I need a drink.' When he got to his office he poured himself some whiskey. He had to take care of this. Harley needed a doctor because there is no way in hell is her delivering this baby.

He picked up his phone and dialed someone's number who would never say no to him. "Hello Dinozzo?" Asked the Joker. He was one of the Mob Bosses from the meeting. He was the weakest of the group. More of a family man than anything else. "I need the number of your kid's doctor. Why? Because I'll kill you if you don't! Okay, also if you tell anyone about this I'll kill you." The Joker hung up and stared at the number. He started thinking again. 'I'm going to be… I need another drink.' The alcohol burned as it went down.

"Mista J?" asked Harley as she entered his office. Any other day he would have shouted at her to get out. But he didn't know if it was the alcohol or the other thing. Probably the alcohol. He mentioned for her to sit on his lap. She stood in front of him instead.

"Do you want to talk about this? I mean- "She was silenced when he held a finger to her face. The Joker pulled her into his lap.

"I got the number of this really great kid doctor. But you'll have to call," said the Joker.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," said Harley as she kissed him.

Author's note:

Okay I know this isn't that great, this part is really just an introduction really. Even if you already know about Harley and the Joker. It's just this is how the universe is going to be. The next part is when we really get started. But the next two chapters are really important, so, enjoy.

-Lizzy Skellington


	4. April Fools

**The Joker's Little Girl Part 1 Chapter 4**

Harley ran to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. The Joker got up from the bed to get Harley a glass of water. Her morning sickness had gotten better. The doctor said that it was almost over. He said to be patient. But don't try and telling that to a pregnant Harley.

The Joker heard the yakking. Then the toilet flush, and finally the… crying? She hadn't cried in awhile.

The Joker groaned and walked to the bathroom up the stairs.

"Harley are you alright?" Asked The Joker.

He handed her the glass of water. She threw it as the wall.

"NO EVERYTHING IS NOT ALRIGHT!" screamed Harley "I've been throwing up every morning for 3 and a half mounts. I'm going to fat and old because of this baby! And it's all your fault! You put this thing in me! It was you!"

She grabbed the Joker by the colure and shoved him against the wall. Raising a fist above her blonde hair, Harley came to realization.

"Oh puddin' I'm so sorry" said Harley. She let go of him then she gave him a big hug. "I love you so much!"

"It's alright Harley" said the Joker as he awkwardly patted her back.

"What do you want for breakfast? I feel like waffles and chocolate peanut butter ice cream" said Harley.

Harley ran out of the bathroom and down the stairs. "This baby better be worth it," he said to himself as he followed Harley to the kitchen.

Harley is now six months pregnant.

The Joker is driving Harley to their doctor's appointment at a deserted warehouse. All of their appointments are at dusk. Late enough so the cops won't be looking for them them and early enough so the Batman won't notice them.

"What are you hoping for?" asked Harley.

"What?" Asked the Joker.

"A boy or a girl?" asked Harley.

"I don't mind as long as it's healthy," replied the Joker. He really didn't care as long it had his evil mind, humor and charming good looks. He smiled as he pulled into the back of the warehouse.

"Alright" said the doctor as pressed the stethoscope to Harley's stomach. He was a short, white haired man. He looked at the screen and moved his hand. "Everything looks good. Would you like to know the sex of the baby?"

"Yes please," smiled Harley.

"You are going to have a sweet little baby girl," said the Doctor.

Harley grinned. The Joker fainted.

She leaned over in surprise. Being six months pregnant, she couldn't really move to help. "Are you okay Puddin'?"

"What happen?" asked the Joker as he rubbed the back of his head.

"You fainted Pud'."

"Are we still having a girl?" asked the Joker.

"Yeah, but it won't be so bad," replied Harley.

The Joker turned to the Doctor. "Are we done here?" The Doctor nodded. The Joker grabbed Harley's hand and helped her out of the chair.

They went to the car. Smiling, Harley called Poison Ivy to tell her the good news.

Before they went home they got a baby name book from a book store.

"How about Ann?" Asked Harley.

"To plain" said the Joker.

"How about Angela?" asked Harley.

"No way" said the Joker.

"Okay fine" said Harley.

"How about Alison?" Asked Harley.

The Joker let the name roll on his tongue. "I like it."

"Really?" asked Harley.

"Yes,"said the Joker.

"Why?" asked Harley.

"Because it's not boring" said the Joker.

"Okay" said Harley rubbing her stomach "did you hear that sweetie? Your name is Alison."

The Joker pulled his chair next to Harley's. He placed a hand on top of Harley's stomach. "Hey Ace. Its… Dad." He felt a small kick under his hand and he grinned.

Then Harley remembered something. "While you were out cold, the Doctor told me when the baby is due."

"And?"

"She's due April 1st."

The Joker's laugh rang in Harley's ears. For a moment, she felt the little being inside her laugh too.

_Drip, drip, drip._ The Joker steadily dripped acid into his squirting flower. He was thinking about his future daughter.

She would have his brains, of course. And hopefully she looked more like him than Harley. She looked okay, but he was obviously the better looking one, the smarter one and the more evil one. She would also be evil. He would make sure of that.

However the Joker hoped she would have Harley's gymnastic skills. She was the more talented one in that area. He would have to talk to her about teaching little Alison as soon as she learned to walk. The more practice she will get the sooner she will be able to go on jobs.

That would mean he would have to teach about laughing gas, guns and punching gloves.

The combination of his brains and Harley's gymnastic skills will bring destruction to Gotham. And it will be his daughter doing it. She will be the best villain the world has ever seen. And he will be standing by instructing her, teaching her, watching her proudly. _As long as she left Batman to him._

He grinned in his excitement. The police better watch out, the banks better get better locks to their safes, and the Batman better get a sense of humor because there's a new villain in town. And her name is Alison Harleen Quinn.


	5. Pity

**The Joker's Little Girl Part 1 Chapter 5**

Harley is now nine months pregnant.

Harley and Ivy bought a crib, baby clothes and everything baby Alison will need.

Sitting at the kitchen table Harley and the Joker discussed what kind of villain Alison will be.

"A very funny, intelligent, and evil one," replied the Joker. Harley nodded in agreement.

The Joker checked his watch. "I have to go on the heist. I'll be back by three."

"Okay puddin'" said Harley as she kissed the Joker.

"If you need anything just call" said the Joker.

"Okay" said Harley.

The Joker was shooting at the police "Is that all you got?" He was leaning over a bank counter bullets flying around him.

A bullet zoomed past the Joker's ear "That's not funny. But this is" he said as he pulled out a bazooka.

Then his cell phone rang "What is it?" screamed the Joker.

"MY WATER BROKE!" screamed Harley.

"What do you mean the Doctors dead?" screamed the Joker.

"There was a shooting and well, he was a mob doctor after all-" explained Bullet, one of the henchmen. He was driving the car as the police followed.

Harley screamed in pain.

"There is no way I'm delivering this baby," said the Joker. "Take her to the hospital. And loose the cops while you're at it."

"Are you sure?" Asked Bullet.

"Yes! Now hurry!" yelled the Joker.

**The Hospital**

The handsome doctor leaned on the counter trying to look down the nurse's shirt. Startled, the nurse looked up, "Jiminy Christmas, Doctor Smith ya wanna raise your eyes a bit!"

The Doctor laughed and said "y'know sweetie if you knew what's good for you, ya' might want to be a little nicer to me, cause y'know I run this damn hospital!"

"For the hundredth time, I'M MARRIED!" Snapped the nurse.

"Who cares, so AM I!" The Doctor snapped back. "I'm telling you sweet cheeks I control everything in this hospital."

"KABOOOOOOOOOM!"

An explosion ripped open the front doors of the hospital sending debris and staff flying everywhere. Doctor Smith found himself lying in the middle of the nurses' station, looking up trying to see what happened. Suddenly Nurses were screaming and running behind the now standing Doctor Smith.

Standing before the Doctor was the Joker, smoking bazooka in one hand, an insurance card in the other. Looking to the nurses the Joker said in his most polite voice, "Helloooo ladies, my significant other is about to give birth to the most important human being that has ever crossed the threshold of this hospital and I need a Doctor who's up to the challenge, knowing of course failure means a most horrible death. Would you ladies know of such a Doctor who's up to the task?"

Without hesitation every nurse on the floor pointed straight at Doctor Smith and yelled "HIM!"

**The Delivery room.**

The Doctor now had a bomb strapped to his butt.

Harley was in the delivery bed, feet in stirrups, screaming at the top of her lungs, "GET THIS THING OUT OF ME NOW, SO HELP ME GOD I WILL CHOP YOU UP AND FEED YOU TO ONE OF IVY'S PLANT…THINGS!" Losing focus she sputtered out the last few words of her insult.

"I'm trying, ommigod am I trying!" Cried the Doctor, tears streaming down his face.

The Joker looked calmly at the Doctor and said, "Y'know Doctor, you seem a little stressed, maybe I should see if someone else is available to deliver my child, because you have got to be the biggest wiener I've ever seen!" The nurse standing beside the bed snorted and held back laughter the best she could.

To Harley it seemed like it had been forever since her water broke. The events of the last few hours raced through her mind: Feeling her water break, hanging up the phone after informing the Joker that she was ready to go to the hospital, listening to the screeching breaks as the Jokers getaway van stopped in front of their hideout, and watching her beloved run in the door brandishing a bazooka. It was moments like that when she realized what a special relationship they truly had.

But now she was in the worst pain imaginable and would kill her own mother if it meant getting this thing out of her.

"I SEE A HEAD OH DEAR GOD I SEE A HEAD!" Yelled a deliriously happy Doctor Smith.

"Well it's about time you quack, we haven't got all night, and we're busy people y'know!" Answered the Joker.

"IT'S-IT'S-IT'S-IT'S-IT'S-IT'S A GIRL, A GIRL, AND SHE'S FINE, SEE SHE'S FINE, NOW PLEASE TAKE THIS BOMB OFF MY BUTT!" Yelled out the Doctor.

"Oh me, me, me," replied the Joker, "Always about me, isn't it Doc? Well let me tell you something…" the Joker approached the Doctor menacingly when suddenly there was a yell.

"HEY PUDDIN! LET IT GO! LET HIM FINISH THE GODDAMN DELIVERY! "

Stunned by Harley's sudden outburst the Joker backed away, "Yes Dear," he said sheepishly.

The minutes turned into hours as the Doctor and nurses finished testing Harley and Baby Alison. When everything seemed okay, the Joker quietly interrupted: "Um, Harley, sweetheart, love muffin, it's time to go.

The Doctor was at the window when he said, "Well you're probably not going anywhere with all those cops down there. If you take this bomb off my rear-end I'll tell them you were nice to us and wouldn't hurt anyone."

"I'll take that under advisement, Doc. Now, if everyone's ready let's go!

The Joker and his crew, including Bullett pushing Harley's wheelchair headed for the elevator, when the Doctor yelled from behind, "there's a million cops downstairs, you can't go down there!" "We're not going downstairs you moron. And oh yeah, I forgot to do something…" with that the Joker pulled a small grey box with an oversize red button out of his coat. As the Doctor furiously tried to pull the bomb off his rear, there was a click from the elevator as the doors closed, and the Doctor fell to the floor waiting for death. Nothing, a few seconds passed when finally he heard the most obnoxious fart sound of all time coming from the bomb. As he looked up he saw several nurses and hospital employees laughing at him.

**The Roof**

When the elevator arrived on the roof the Joker and his group stepped out into the night air. "Where is it? Where's the helicopter? I MEAN COME-ON!" And with that the baby began to cry. And cry. And cry…"Maybe I should just jump." The Joker said. And with that out of the sky flew a bright purple helicopter. It was just a painted Coast Guard rescue helicopter the Joker had stolen, but still, it _was_ purple. After it landed on the roof of the hospital the Joker carefully picked up Harley and handed her to Bullitt, then handed baby Allison to Harley. With one last look around the Joker raised his foot to enter the copter when…"BAM!" The Joker hit the ground hard, and knew what had happened before he even saw him.

"Good evening Joker." Said Batman.

"Well, it wasn't bad until about 5 seconds ago!" the Joker barked.

The Dark Knight looked into the faces in the helicopter. He couldn't remember seeing such a pathetic bunch. His eyes caught Harley's face looking up at him with tears in her eyes and Allison in her arms. He lowered his fists.

"Get up clown." Batman backed away as the Joker scrambled to his feet and into the helicopter. "I wasn't here."

And with that Batman disappeared into the darkness and the helicopter took off into the night.


	6. Cameo

Alison in now 4 months old.

She has dark brown hair like the Joker and his green eyes.

Harley and the Joker had put on disguises so they could go for a walk. They were walking through the park on a warm sunny day. The Joker insisted that they should have their walks at night but Harley liked the warm sun on her shoulders since it was the 4th of July. Tonight they were going to see fireworks down at Gotham City waterfront. Harley bought this earmuff thing to protect Alison's ears from the blasts of the fireworks.

First they went to a small, corner diner and got pancakes. While the Joker was eating he looked to his left for some reason. He saw a tall, dark haired man with his family He had a gorgeous wife. She had long black hair and an hour glass shape body. They too had a baby. He thought he'd seen the man before. Maybe not. He really didn't care. Today was all about him and his two favorite girls. No mischief or evil plots.

Next they went to the park and they walked around it a couple times. After that they sat down at a bench. Harley saw two other moms with babies.

"I'm going to go over there," said Harley pointing at the other moms.

"Are you going to take Alison?" Asked The Joker inching the strolled toward her.

"Uhh… sure" said Harley getting up and got Alison's stroller.

The Joker watched as his girlfriend and daughter walked over to the young mothers. When Harley sat down and started a conversation. He thought he would go over by the wood at the end of the park and smoke. He'd been trying to cut back since little Acey was born. But it's been hard trying to parent a 4 month old.

When he got to the woods he pulled out a cigarette. But before he could get a littler. Two black gloves pulled him into the woods.

The Joker was being pulled deeper into the woods. The captor had put a cloth bag over his face and strapped handcuffs over his wrists.

A few yards and curse words later they reached an old abandon shed.

When they were in the shed the Joker heard the door lock and the captor walk toward him. The sound of the heavy boots in the creaky wood didn't scare him one bit.

The captor stopped in front of the Joker. He took off the sack. It was Batman in a black and gray cameo suit without a cape.

He tied the Joker's legs to the chair legs.

The Joker took one look and laughed hysterically. Batman just stared. Then when he calmed down batman asked "are you done?"

The Joker started to laugh harder this time. Then Batman punched him in the jaw. The chair fell over. Batman put the chair with the Joker in it back in the middle of the room.

The Joker stopped laughing except for a little giggle. Batman asked another question "how long are you going to keep up this charade ?"

"What charade?"Asked the Joker.

"You keeping the baby girl? What's her name?" Asked Batman.

The Joker laughed hysterically again "like I'm going to tell you shit."

Batman smacked him again but this time harder. When the chair and the Joker hit the floor Batman only picked up the Joker. The chair screeched on the hard wood floor.

"This is serious Joker!" Screamed Batman "What if you and Harley get thrown in Arkham? Who will take care of your BABY?" Batman through him against the wall. Then picked him up again.

The Joker just kept laughing and laughing.

"Fine" said Batman "But I'll be watching" with that he walked out the door leaving the Joker tied up.

The Joker swung the wooded chair against and it broke into a million pieces. He walked out of the door to go find his girlfriend and daughter so they could go to the water front to have a nice day.


	7. Cotton Candy

Alison is now 6 months old.

Her hair was longer and her eyes were open more often and she smiled and giggled too.

Today Harley was going shopping all day with Poison Ivy. Ivy loves Alison. She shows it by buying her lots of toys. And plants. So many plants.

At 10:00 Harley was putting on the finishing touches of her disguise. The Joker was getting Alison ready for their quiet daddy daughter day.

Since the Joker and Harley have been at home with the baby they haven't been on a heist in like 7 months. So their running out of money. After Harley and Ivy are done with their shopping their going to rob Gotham's national bank. The only reason he's not going is because he thinks that

A) Harley should lose some of that baby fat. She doesn't have that much but she's not as thin as she used to be.

B) Is that the Joker wanted to stay home and watch Alison and protect her. Just in case the Bat jerk comes and tries anything.

The Joker didn't tell Harley what Batman said about them going to Arkam.

Harley was about to leave when the Joker came behind her and kissed her.

"Have fun," he said.

Harley just nodded and went over to the basinet with Alison in it and picked her up and kissed her little head. Then she carried her over to the Joker and handed her to him.

"Don't wait up," said Harley as she went out the door to meet Ivy.

The Joker took little Alison over to her play pen and put her in it. He sat down at the couch and turned n the TV. 'If only every day could be like this' he thought to himself.

Just as he was about to relax Alison started crying.

"Or maybe not" The Joker mumbled to himself. He looked at the clock. It was 10:05. Only 9 hours and 55 minutes till Harley gets back with the money.

The Joker went over to his daughters play pen. She was crying and looking at something. He looked to where she was looking. On the carpet was her purple little rattle. He picked it up and handed it to her.

She stopped crying and started to giggle and smile. That made the Joker laugh out loud. He went back to the couch.

The play pen was right next to the couch. So the Joker could keep an eye on his little trouble maker.

The soft rattling from the rattle and the TV made him sleepy. He decided to rest his eyes. He accidentally fell asleep.

Something hit the Jokers head. He woke up in shock and fell off the couch.

"What the…" he looked down at what appeared to be a purple rattle "Oh shit."

Then he looked at his watch. It was 12:20. He was asleep for 2 hours and 15 minutes. "Oh crap," said the Joker.

He heard crying. He looked down. Alison was covered in spittle. He picked her up and rocked her back and forth.

The he smelled something horrible. It was coming from his sweet little princess. He put Alison in one arm and pinched his nose with his free hand.

"You need a bath" he said to his daughter. When he said that she started to giggle.

"What's so funny" he said in a pinched voice. She laughed even harder and so did he.

The rest of the day was mostly them just hanging out. For lunch the Joker had left over Chinese food. Alison had mashed peas.

It was 7:00 and Harley hadn't come back yet. The Joker was starting to get slightly annoyed. _How long does it take to rob a bank?_ So he turned on the TV and on to the news.

"Breaking News" said the Anchor lady "The feminist villains Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy have been caught by the Batman at about 6:30 while they were escaping the scene."

The Joker turned off the TV and picked up his cell phone and called a baby sitter.

Cat woman was getting ready for her big heist for the Jade Cat Eye. All she had to do now was pin her hair back and put on her mask. Then there was a knock on the door.

'Who could that be?' She thought to herself.

When she open the door she saw the Joker, his baby girl and a purple and green diaper bag.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"You need to watch this while I break out Harley and her annoying friend out of Arkam. Thanks!" He handed her the baby and diaper bag and ran off down the hall.

Cat Woman stood there in shock and then she just shrugged and said "The Jade Cats Eye can wait."

She went inside and closed the door with the baby to wait for her insane parent's crazy till they get back from Arkam.

At 6:00 a.m. there was a knock on the door. Cat Woman picked up the sleeping baby hoping her parents would take her home now and away from her cats. All night she was crying and pulling on their tales and ears.

When she opened the door there was the Joker, Harley and Poison Ivy standing there covered with mud, twigs and dirt. The Joker had cotton candy on his head.

Cat Woman tried not to laugh.

"Just give us the kid," said the Joker. Harley took her baby and held her in her arms.

"Don't ask," said Poison Ivy.

"But...," began Cat Woman.

"Don't ask," said Poison Ivy taking the diaper bag and walking down the hall with Alison, The Joker and Harley.

Cat Woman burst out laughing.


	8. First Words

Alison is nine months old. She has short brown hair in pig tales and she has big green shiny eyes. But she has her mother's face. She is a very pretty little girl.

She can stand with a little help but she hasn't said anything yet.

The Joker had a bet with Harley that if Alison said "mamma" or "mom" first he would do the dishes for a week. If she says "daddy" or "dada" first Harley has to do the dishes as usual.

Alison was in her high chair and the Joker was feeding her some oatmeal because it was breakfast time.

Harley was reading a baby book called "How to get babies to talk for Dummies".

"Is no use Mista' J," said Harley putting down the book "it says that we just have to wait until she ready to talk."

"Fine," said the Joker cleaning up the oatmeal his little Acey just spilled.

Harley walked up to Alison and picked her up.

"Come on Ally say mamma," pleaded Harley.

"No say dada," said The Joker.

Feeling under pressure poor little Alison started to cry.

"Don't cry Ace," said the Joker take his little girl and kiss her cheek.

But Alison wouldn't stop crying. Harley thought of an awesome idea. She went over to the cookie jar and got her a chocolate chip cookie.

Harley handed it to the cookie to Alison. She stopped crying and ate the cookie happily.

"So she wants to be bribed," said the Joker pulling a dollar and waving it and giving it to his daughter.

"Now say Dada," said the Joker.

"Puddin' that terrible," laughed Harley.

"Well-,"began the Joker.

"Batman," said Alison.

"What! No! Say Dada!" said the Joker.

"I'm gunna' call Ivy" said Harley.

"Batman. Batman. Batman" Said Alison.

"Stop saying Batman," said the Joker.

Alison looked at him wide-eyed. "Robin."


End file.
